A Drop In The Ocean

It's been so long since I was last here that I couldn't even remember my password. I lost myself a little while ago, and this place, this little piece of me, was definitely forgotten. But lately I think I might be coming back. I've found myself thinking, ooh I could write about that; wouldn't that be nice to share; hmm I'd best take a photo of this. 

Which is nice. Really nice. 

I never wanted this blog to be a chore, which is why I just went. It became a bit of a burden that I couldn't continue to carry on with at that time. Please don't be offended, let me explain; in a job where everybody's actions and decisions are somehow your responsibility, there is a lot of pressure. I work well over my hours on a daily basis, I don't get lunch, I don't get a minute to think of myself or even go to the bathroom, and when I get home, I eat and I go to sleep. I have broken sleep when I worry about things, and it's hard to properly switch off. At the weekend I like to do nothing. Literally nothing. But that's hard when I feel like I'm wasting time. Or Michael and I end up going home to see family. Whilst I love doing that, and my nephew and niece are so incredibly important to me, it feels like there is never really a break, and never enough time to re-cooperate properly, just enough space to stay sane. 

So how long does one carry on like that? My job is meant to be a career, but if I carry on, it might break me. Do you wait until you're broken, then pick yourself up and put the parts back together? Or do you prevent yourself becoming broken? I think it has to be the latter, surely. But that is also a hard decision to make, and where do you go from there?

I've taken a detour. Back to this post. 

I have had some urges to get back to blogging and to share some things with you. I think today I will just leave it with this quote and the things already discussed, but I hope to be back real soon :) 

I also just read this post and love her honesty. 

It's the start of something new

It's a good job I like learning because being a newly qualified social worker means I have another year of being assessed... 

Check out all those books and that paperwork. It's only the beginning! 

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why

14th December 2012

Graduation.

I had so much fun at graduation. I had been working hard for three years to get to that day, and I was so so so so so excited for everything. The gown, the hat, the photo's, the walking up, the shaking hand, the standing proud, the even more photos, the happy people, the family, the fancy dress, the nice hair. Everything fit together well on that day, and I don't care that it rained, or that Michael and I almost fell over on the ice, or that it wasn't in summer with my friends on other courses. It was the day I wanted, and it went according to MY plan :) and it makes me so excited for the next one!!

Day 6: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?

I do a lot. A whole lot. I'm a sister, girlfriend, daughter, aunt, granddaughter, friend, best friend, student, personal assistant and so on. I am doing a degree, I do work, I am a part of lots of societies at uni and I have a lot of different roles going on. I'd say out of all that, and most of all, a common theme is that I am a helper, and I care.

I can't sit back and watch if someones struggling. I can't not do anything. Whether it's listening and talking it through so the person can get to their own conclusions, or offering hands on advice and writing out lists of pros and cons, my services are always at the disposal of... anyone really, anyone who needs someone.

I guess my current job is being a masters student, so I read a bit, write down my thoughts. Search for the next thing to read. Read it, read around it, read something it recommended, write a little bit about it. Sit and think about it a little bit. If it's sad, I'll probably have a cry too (I find a lot of sociology disheartening, I'm a psychology girl at heart). I check facebook (x 30), I write a letter to Michael. I read some more. I write all the ideas down that have been formulating since this morning (and usually shock myself at where I end, who knew that's how I really felt?). I check out a book an article recommended, and then I write some more. This is technically just after lectures have stopped, I do go to the odd lecture. It's a good life, but it's infuriating. Yes I have time to do good things too (I.E. all the stuff I listed in that first paragraph) but my days always seem so busy, because when you can't really take note of all that you're reading and thinking.. you really just think you're wasting days away.

I don't feel like I've done this post justice.. I don't know, perhaps I'll have a brain wave later in the day, and then I'll update. (Yeah that also means a bit of a snoop at other people's ideas)...