Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory

So, the final day has come. I'd like to take a little moment to say that I've thoroughly enjoyed this challenge, it's been nice to blog about things that aren't my usual thing, but the day to day blogging is just a bit too much for me! I think it's probably just because I've been so busy this month (typically) but it's been a little challenge fitting it in everyday, and I certainly haven't had a consistent time of posting!

A vivd memory. hmm.

Somehow, I was always my uncle Vic's favourite. We all knew it, and I don't think anyone particularly minded (I hope not), because I always used my powers of persuasion to benefit the whole group (two cousins, my sister and I). I remember one evening Naomi and I sat in the car listening to songs - kung fo fighting was certainly one of them, when we decided that we wanted to have a sleepover but it wasn't planned. Natalie and Naomi convinced me it was my job to go and ask, so I figured out what to say, put on my best puppy eyes, wrinkled my hands together and walked in. I stood and explained how we had just had so much fun that we didn't want it to end and that we'd like to invite ourselves to stay over his house, if that was possible. OF COURSE HE SAID YES. haha, well he looked at my mum a couple of times (I'm guess they were checking with each other before he committed) and then said yes. So we drove to his and I remember he had a very excitable dog - I think it was a collie. And then I remember us all in the living room listening to B'Witched - blame it on the weather man, and the post man one (because Vic was once a post man).

I've only just really realised that we spent a lot of with my cousins when we were younger, which makes me happy because I hope it's the same for my children and my sisters :) I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

Letting go to me means that you've held on to something for a long time, for whatever reason - sadness, anger, hope, hurt - and it's finally time.

Letting go isn't something you can do over night. I don't believe it's something you can make yourself do or talk yourself into, it happens in its own time. You have to go through certain things and emotions to suitably exhaust yourself of the topic. Sometimes you don't even notice that you've let go, sometimes you're over it and you've let it go before you even realise (that's the best). Letting go is accepting it isn't anymore, it won't be whatever you want it to be, it can't be the same again -whether it's a death or the end of a relationship or getting over someone.

For me, seeing as I don't overly remember my granddad dying (well I do, but I didn't understand enough to feel like I needed to let go) and no one else I know who has died, letting go is of friends and relationships that didn't work out. As I mentioned above, with friendships that don't work out, they're the ones I haven't realised until I've actually already let go, which is nice as it doesn't make me sad. But relationships, yeah I was guilty of holding on to one for far too long. It was something that wasn't good for me, and made me sad and worried and blame myself, when it wasn't to do with me, it was his own insecurities. But I couldn't let go of that for a long time, mainly because I felt like I'd been the one to mess things up and I wanted to put them right, or at least be the one in the right if they messed up again. But a couple of years down the line, every emotion you've ever thought of a fair few times over, lots of thoughts, dreams, tears and worries later... I've let go. I've closed that chapter and I'm at peace with it.

Of course Michael helped me with that, by showing me how good a boy can be, and how you should be treated and can even expect to be treated. Michael and I are partners, more than anything else. We're a two-man team who consult each other and discuss things, we work stuff out and we keep each other informed. Michael's love is always secure and I know it will never falter. And I've never had that before.

I don't have anything else I feel like I need to let go of; no bad feelings, anger, sadness. I'm generally content. I deal with issues as they arise, and if I'm able to talk them through with that person in that situation then I'm already over it. So yeah, perhaps this isn't what I was supposed to do today, but I let it take me wherever it wanted to, as usual and here we are!

Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories.

I LOVE THIS PROMPT! at first I was nervous but it's realllllllllllly great now haha. I don't know if I was supposed to share the memory too but it was too fun not to! 

1. David Guetta - memories. It reminds me of the trip I took to Bournemouth to visit my friend Daniella back in first year during the summer. We got crazy drunk and partied too hard - oh those days when drinking was still fun! Plus it's a great song.

2. Florence and the Machine - you got the love. In second year, before all our house fell out, we had one great great great night out that we labelled 'ladies night'. I was being lame and pretended I didn't want to go out as we had a lecture on the Friday, but pre drinks were half underway when I changed my mind and joined in the fun. It was just girls from our house and we all got just tipsy, not drunk, climbed up on the counter (our landlord had foolishly said that the girls who lived there before had done that so of course we had to try it out!) and sang our hearts out to this song. Such a good night. 

3. Snow Patrol - Set Fire to the Third Bar. I have to fit Michael in here somewhere don't I? Well this was 'our song' many many many many many moons ago, I'm thinking what.. when we were 14?! But it is a good song and some of the lyrics are particularly apt at the moment.

4. X-Press 2 Feat. David Byrne - Lazy. Before my parents split up we would have gatherings with a couple of other families. There would be food - a meal or BBQ, games for all the kids and lots of chat and dancing for the adults. This song reminds me of those times cause I can see everyone singing along in their drunken stupor, ha, and particularly of my dad because he does the little bit at 2:58/3:00. 

5. Devo - Whip It. OH THIS SONG. haha Natalie and I heard it on a film - I think something like how to lose a guy in ten days, some chick flick like that, and we loved it from then on. I also had a dream that she'd died once and this song played a couple of days later and I burst into tears, she's fine though, obviously haha. But yes, younger times with less stress are always welcome. WHAT A WEIRD VIDEO THOUGH! I've never watched it before ha

As I said at the start, great prompt. I'm excited to read what everyone else comes up with! Kinda sad I didn't do the songs that spoke to me, but it'd probably end up a bit too deep and I cry when that happens so yeah, for the best really. ha

Tammy Girl

I don't have any money. Especially after Liverpool at the weekend (what an expensive city!) but I was buying a birthday present yesterday after work, and as I came down the escalators this little number caught my eye.. in Tammy. haha Tammy makes clothes for girls aged, hmm, 10-16? Basically a teenage make (not for 21 year olds) but it's so much cheaper than adult clothing!! So I tried it on, and was too impressed not to get it haha. I mean look at that collar, it's beautiful. 

 

 

Unfortunately the weather's been awful again so it's more inside photos.. I WISH THE SUN WOULD COME BACK. It was lovely when it was around. Anywho, I'm off to Harriet's for a catch up with my two best girls! It's been too long (hey ladies ;) ). I have to pop to the shop before hand too so yes, I had best be on my way. Well after my ice cream...

HOW IS IT TUESDAY ALREADY.

and I've missed so many blog everyday's what a fail. These are gona have to be quite quick posts as I SERIOUSLY need to get on with work today, I'm sorry!

Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Dear readers, you make me happy. the end. 
Haha no, I appreciate you all so much. I don't have a 'thing' or a 'niche' that I tend to blog about, I blog quite generally about my life. I feel like this little site is really for me, and all of my memories, and keeping in touch with my family, so for you to come along for the ride too feels extra special :) I love that some of us have made little friendships, and that you come from all over the world. So yeah, extra big special thank you. And if you ever have any criticisms then let me know, I do well with feedback :D

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures
I suddenly got deflated and thought that I hadn't taken any good photos today (all I've done is got up, been to the gym, had lunch and sat at my laptop), so instead I'm gona share some from yesterday when I went to work, then shopping, then to a friends for dinner and finally made Michael a video. 

 

 

Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)

I'm doing good and bad, because the first thing that came to my mind was bad and I can't leave on a bad note.

Bad thing:
Imagine me like 9 years old, in a strap top, on a hot summers day at a BBQ. I'm playing around, frolicking in a paddling pool and playing with the vegetables that are in two parts stuck together with velcro, with perhaps a burger in my hand.
Sophie comes up to me and says, whilst pointing, aww look at your little fat bits. and she's referencing that annoying flabby piece of skin that always creeps up at your armpit that's worsened with the top strap. Before then I hadn't really noticed weight or fat or anything, so it was a little bit of a shock. And ever since, I've resented those little rascals.


Good thing:
One of my jobs at uni is to train people in listening. I was paired with my friend Julian who hadn't trained before, so I let him take the lead and give it a good go whilst I was there for back up; a couple of times he faltered and got confused, but I let him find his feet and carry on (and rescue him when he really did need it!). He said to me, a couple of weeks following this, that he was really glad to be paired with me because he learned that things can be fun and serious, depending on which topic you're discussing, and that it's important to be both. He said he also learned techniques to control and encourage a group, and that it was generally a positive learning experience for him too. Which is jolly nice feedback to hear :)

I am still on the weekend away, but I've got this on schedule so hopefully it's working out..?!? (Yeah, it clearly didn't. Stupid blogger.)

Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.

My hair has felt a bit too dry recently so I wanted to try a natural remedy and read about using eggs. So I googled it and found this. It's not true, it made my hair worse, and now it feels kinda like straw - it did NOT feel like straw in the first place. I am not impressed and I am not happy. I accept it must work for some people as the comments are like hooray! yes! I do this too! Yippee! It's great! But, it's not for me. I can't be on the bandwagon because I'm angry at it right now.

Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits

Hmm, I have a few. top three.. I wonder if Michael would say the one's I'm choosing :p

1. I am a control freak, and a natural born leader. If I see that people aren't doing things in the most efficient way/they could do it easier/they're destined to fail/it isn't right, then I have to speak up. and I have to suggest another way for them to do it. Even with elders. My lecturer yesterday put a carrier bag in her big bag so she could ride her bike home, but it was poking out the top so the rain was going to get to it and I had to suggest that she put it in the other way around.. my bad.
2. I like to have a plan. If I don't have a rough plan things go wrong. I can definitely sway from the plan if something better takes my fancy - it's not an autistic thing - but yeah, for weekends away/holidays/gatherings, I roughly like to know how things are going to go so I can prepare myself for them.
3. I have to prepare myself for things. It's like a little pep talk, I have to win myself over for a little bit before I can actually be okay with something. It takes about a day, which is why I don't like things thrust on me, but I can actually manage when things are thrust on me, I think it's the time in-between that makes me unsettled. I think it's developed this year since living with non-friends but not accepting that as a reason not to do things (I would't miss out on something just because I might have to go alone). 

So yes, another interesting one! I am off on a weekend away with some of my girl-friends today, a couple of drunken nights out which.. shall be amusing. I'm sure I'll report most of the mischief when I get back but that does mean I might not be able to get to the challenge over the next couple of days - of course I'll catch up. Have a lovely weekend :)

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you

I think the main theme for the lessons I've chosen is that these things you technically are taught in school, but you need a bit of your own life experience and 

1. that teachers/parents/elders do really know better than you, but you need to experience it yourself to believe them. E.g. times the best healer, it'll be better in the morning, you can't revise just the night before and expect to do well.
2. when you weigh things in the supermarket it's much cheaper than buying anything in a 'deal'.
3. things that have taken a lot of thought trump those that are expensive
4. you have to have gone through something yourself to slightly understand what someone is going through or feeling, even then you don't fully know. But still, if you haven't you can definitely listen.
5. The importance of listening. People can really open up and take a weight off their shoulders if you let them know that someone does actually care. 

There are a lot more but I'm not going to go there, I think 5 is good :) I can't wait to see what everyone else posts today - this is a great prompt!

Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel.

(a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)

err. I make lots of little complaints all the time, but I don't think I have a big one at the moment. Um. How quick iPhone's lose their battery? How my phone is the SLOWEST phone of all time and I NEED a new one as it drives me insane and no one really gets it because their phones are fine? Something along those lines. I did try and buy a new one when I was paid a lot recently, but then it turned out to be faulty so I had to return it, and I didn't get round to buying another one. But for those few days, I realised what it was like to have a quick functioning phone, that made it easier to talk to Michael, there was an app to send him letters, I could have all my favourite apps back that have been lost due to the IOS update (whatsapp, instagram to name a few). hmmmm yeah. So I'd like a new phone, but until I get a job... not likely.

Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives

Oh. well. that's a surprise, I have no idea.

I really loved having galaxy nails.
This has been one of my favourite outfits of the year.
Big fan of this skirt, and this one.
Egg fried rice is still a staple dish in my flat.
The honey drizzle cakes tasted incredible, I'd love to make those again.
Ilkley Moor was such a good day out, with a lovely boy.
Incredible fun times with Michael
When I was a super lucky girl and got my very own Easter egg hunt.
Obviously gona have to have one from Graduation

Okay I could carry on but that's enough I think.. This was fun :D

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

I am struggling with not being able to plan for the rest of my life.

What am I doing after I finish uni?
When should I start looking for a job?
Do I want to start looking for a job?
What kind of job am I interested in?
Where should I look for a job?
Where will I live if I'm looking away from home?
How far is too far?
Where does Michael fit in to all of this?

I don't know the next step, and I don't like not knowing the next step to be able to plan around. Michael says it's fun and exciting.. but when it means I'll be living at home with my dad, with a masters degree.. and I'm in a job that I'm over-qualified for. Hmph. And Michael, being in Afghanistan until September. Do I start before he gets back? Do I ask for that extra month off? He's just said that he'll probably be the most free from October on, I can't be starting a new job and asking to take my leave immediately. So do I not get a job until after Christmas?

WHAT DO I DO.

I can hear my boss in my head saying 'don't do anything just for a boy' but Michael isn't just any boy, he's THE boy, he's the best boy, I'd do anything for him. and then I hear my mum saying 'you've been working really hard for four years straight, I think you should take a bit of a break', and my sister saying (more generally rather than in relation to this) 'enjoy the time you get with Michael now before the rest of real-life gets to you'. And all of that tells me that the real world, and real life, can wait a little bit longer. I have so much time to be a social worker and start whatever qualification is in fashion (NQSW/ASYE), but I won't have this time with Michael again. But if Michael wasn't around, then I'd be jumping straight into it, but does that mean that's what I should do, really? I honestly don't think so. I think I could have any kind of job for a little while, I have support work for over summer to tide me over a bit. Michael is my priority at the moment. Perhaps that means, in the grand scheme of things, that the job that's meant for me isn't available until next year? Perhaps it's all already planned out? WHO KNOWS. I've already applied for one job and not got it, now I've applied for another, and there is another that I'm considering applying for. Maybe I should just do these two applications and see what happens? Michael doesn't even know if he's back for good in September or sometime earlier, but I'm personally working towards September because I can't let my heart hope that it's any earlier. So how can I let this decision ride on that? The army has never been great to Michael, it always messes him around, so I can't and don't expect anything to go perfectly this time either. He tells me not to base any of my decisions on him and to do what's best for me, but what's best for me is what's best for both of us, so how can I not partially base it on him?

I don't know. I honestly do not know.

Monday's recipe: Cashewww

As a followup from the pistachio nut butter I tried making, I attempted cashew nut butter... and boy is it good. I trusted the method more this time, so I thought I'd share with you.

Does anyone else think the work cashew sounds like what you say when you sneeze?

I popped a whole bag of salted cashews in my blender

(salted cause it's cheaper..)

Popped the lid on

Started blending

took a peek, mixed it up, blended some more

took another peek, mixed it again, blended even more

At this point I liked the consistency and decided it was done

A medium sized bag made a rather small pot, which means it's actually quite expensive, unless you can get cashews from a wholesaler I guess! It is super tasty though..

Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them

When I first read the title I was hesitant.. but then I took a step back and realised I'm a blogger for a reason so stop being silly. There are some blogs I've been reading since I jumped on this bandwagon, and a couple of those are still favourites.. others I've gotten tired of, BUT today is not about those.

I'm not doing it in order - I have no idea what my order would be, but think that it's just a list of nice blogs.

• Bleubird Vintage - James and her family have been with me throughout this whole journey, and I love how much she lets her readers into her life. I always check back whenever she has a post, she does a nice variety of things
• HomeBirdEconomics - my sister accidentally got me into blogging (if she was doing it I was doing it.) and I love how different our lives are, but that we can keep in touch through the blogs. Things that she does (making your own washing powder and such) blow my mind, and I just find it really interesting. Plus I love little updates about their life.
• Just me, my soldier and our 4 little chicks - Stephanie. Oh Stephanie. I have been reading Stephanie since before I even had a blog or realised I liked to read blogs. I found her many years ago when I was looking for inspiration for some scrapbook pages, and I kinda just stuck around for the ride. I love that she blogs a lot about her super-fancy-soldier-husband and babies because they are so sweet and funny. and I like that she's a real person too; she's taken time out of her busy day to help me out with things with Michael, and I really appreciate that (plus she's hilarious). (Check out all of her 'wordless wednesday posts to get a good sense of her blog!)
• The Londoner - Michael and I like to visit London, and she has such a glamorous lifestyle that she goes to the nicest places to visit and eat, so I like to check back for insider knowledge. I like reading her blog for a taste of 'how the other half live'
• hmm it's difficult from here - I like the little magpie and whiskey tango foxtrot for two very different reasons. The little magpie because she always wears lovely clothes and demonstrates very well how to style things (really big prints that you think are hideous until you see them on someone), and whiskey tango foxtrot because shes another army wife who's sharing her tales of life while they're posted in Germany for now. She's also pregnant and keeps blogging about that, I love that.

what I've noticed about all of these is that they're lifestyle blogs. I am such a fan of peeking at someone else's life for a little bit - feeling involved or not. So yeah. Looking forward to finding some new ones today too!

Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood.

'Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.'

Hermmm.. I have lots of memories, so which one to choose (I'm always so spoiled for choice. and I feel lucky for that). and in all of them, my sister appears! I can't wait to read which memory she chose for today, to see if I'll feature in that one.

I'm gona choose one that's a funny story, but it's a little hazier than the others, so I'll do my best.

We were visiting my grandparents.. I kind of feel like it was actually at my Great Aunt Margaret's house for some reason, but that doesn't really make sense so it must have been their own house in Kent. Well, we didn't get to visit our grandparents all too often as it was quite far away etc, so it was always fun when we did (and they lived near this amusement place so it was always exciting!). Anywho, I don't know how we go to it, but Natalie and I decided to 'make over' nan and granddad, I think it might have had something to do with nan having her hair in rollers, so yeah we just ran with it from there.

It all started out tame, for nan we did the normal eye shadow, and lipstick etc.. and then it got a bit crazy. We started using mascara on granddads bald patches to kind of draw-on hair, we put foundation on them - even granddad - and eyeshadow etc, the works. and when we were done, we were super proud of our work, because it looked like they were wearing make up, and that was the goal, ha!

I must add, we were far too young at that point to even be using make up ourselves, let alone know how to put it on someone else. And in reflection, I can't really believe I have this memory, because if you met my granddad, he is a very proper man and the man I know now doesn't really translate to someone who would let me put mascara on his head, but, people surprise you and this is a lovely memory that I'm glad I have. There is a photo somewhere at home, gutted I can't feature it.

Neither of them were annoyed, and in true good-parenting style they pretended they loved it, didn't wash it off immediately, and Natalie and I went off to bed happy. It never happened again though.. I wonder if we even asked. haha, I am so looking forward to reading everyone else's memory today :D

More beauty, who knew?

I got paid again today so I felt like splashing out (two whole pounds!) on the 3-for-2 offer Superdrug had on. Since my good dealings with MUA, I headed straight back to the stand to see what other goodies I could scout.

After finding this incredible video, I knew my next purchase had to have some kind of bronzer in it, so I can have a god at the ol' sculpting hype. I only have one blusher so I thought I'd spread my wings with a pinker one, and who doesn't love a nice shade of red? It was that or plum.. and red usually makes me happier (wrong choice thinking about it, I have 4 red shades and one purple, that I gave away. Ohhh buyers remorse).

I have one super fancy nail because my friend got my other friend an OPI nail varnish on her trip to America and I wanted to try it out (it's super glittery!) it makes me happy because I feel like I have a mermaid nail. I'm obsessed with mermaids at the moment. I filed them all down to a more managable length since this post, it'll save me getting some terrible rip and my hands needed occupying whilst watching MIC.

Super lovely! I am off to work now, and then to Rosi's for dinner (she's making lasagne and I'm taking garlic bread). Eley and I went to the gym earlier so I'm feeling super pumped about life in general aha. One more essay to submit and I'm almost free! The weather is close today that I've walked around with a constant headache, (it's not water or sleep so I have no other reason to be hurting!)

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why

14th December 2012

Graduation.

I had so much fun at graduation. I had been working hard for three years to get to that day, and I was so so so so so excited for everything. The gown, the hat, the photo's, the walking up, the shaking hand, the standing proud, the even more photos, the happy people, the family, the fancy dress, the nice hair. Everything fit together well on that day, and I don't care that it rained, or that Michael and I almost fell over on the ice, or that it wasn't in summer with my friends on other courses. It was the day I wanted, and it went according to MY plan :) and it makes me so excited for the next one!!

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

So I failed at the challenge yesterday- I just had too much going on and couldn't take pictures all the time (I was giving a talk to prospective students, campus tours, then off to work and more meetings) so that sucks big time! But I did try (in all the hours before I left the house..)

Anyways, onto the next one. I'm unsure about this one.. what is my lot in life?

But to be honest, the only difficult thing in my life is getting out of bed efficiently in the morning.

everything else I can deal with. Yeah I have 12,000 words to submit on Monday, that's fine. Yeah my boy's out in Afghanistan, that's okay, we're managing. My family are a good 7 hours away, I'm missing my niece, but I get regular updates. I'm good at managing, I reflect on my general day to day and I always let my feelings out, so nothing is ever really on top of me (unless I'm on my period, then I have little time for anyone else, that's such a bad week).

I guess something that I can't change (which is my lot? is that right? something that I have that affects me and I can't really do anything about it so how I can manage it? who knows.) is (something I've blogged about before) PCOS. That one does bother me. It changes my moods all over the place, I have so many side effects, I always have to work on my diet and exercise.. it's a whole kettle of fish.

To manage it, I keep on top of all those side effects, I let it do whatever it's going to do, I don't take any additional hormones, I avoid caffeine and carbs, I exercise daily, I follow the doctors advice. I'm extra nice to Michael most of the time to make up for the days that I want to be left alone, but he's such a lovely boy he understands all of that and has me anyways (what a saint!).

I guess PCOS is not something I'm going to be able to overcome per se, I just hope to get to a place (much like where I am now) that I can manage it and not let it get me down.

p.s. I submitted a big essay today so I'm feeling pretty upbeat!