Somewhere you'd like to move or visit.

I would love to be fluent in French so I can definitely see myself living in France or maybe even Canada for a little while. Not the rest of my life, I don't think I could be away from my family for that long. But just long enough to experience the culture and pick up the language :)

I would love to visit Prague. I have no idea why it's the top of my list, as there are many places I'd like to visit. But it's lovely buildings and architecture has been calling me for a good few years. I'd also really like to visit places in the UK like Ireland and Scotland. I need to pull my finger out and get on some road trips!

my day bullet pointed

• wake up
• check messages from Michael
• check emails
• get up
• make bed
• make tea
• make scrambled eggs
• check some blogs whilst eating
• get ready
• go to post office to post some things
• buy card and chewing gum
• get bus to uni (have to take laptop not just lazy)
• have dissertation meeting
• finish meeting hungry
• go to careers centre 
• discuss job interview
• walk home talking to my nan
• eat avocado on toast and try some additions
• have apple
• interview prep - thinking of more examples
• pick Rosi up
• go to quaint little cinema
• watch film
• come home
• have a shower
• go to bed.

Looks like it's gona be a good day, eh?

Day ten: First kiss and first love

Well, my first kiss and first love are two different people.. does that make me a bad person? Michael was my first kiss, I already shared that in this story. Don't worry though, things have improved since then, haha!

My first love was a boy called Lewis. and. whilst good things did happen between us, ultimately he was mean. I think I'd rather not discuss it actually. Short post today, sorry.

On other news, I got invited to a job interview! So, lots of arrangements later, I am going home Friday/Saturday, which is super nice because I just started to over-miss certain things at home :) I'll miss seeing my sister and niece, but I can manage that as they are attending a wedding which is lovely!

How you hope your future will be

I don't have a lot for this.
I hope to be happy and healthy.
I hope to have all of my family.
I hope to have a nice house.
I hope to live in a nice area so I can go running when I get in from work and not fear being hurt.
I hope to have a job I don't resent and actually enjoy doing.
I hope to take good food in for my lunch each day (it makes me sad to just take sandwiches).
I hope to have some kind of animal, whether it's a cat or a dog.
I hope it will be littered with holidays and getaways.
I hope to be an avid camper/hiker, trees are so pretty.
I hope my niece will want to come and stay at my house (she can have her own area if not room!).


I don't know, I've failed today but I don't know how to make it better! I only have rough thoughts for my future, I'm not a planner.

A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life

There was a day over summer 2012 when I took Michael on a planned fun day/evening. His only job was to turn up, I had everything else sorted.

I drove him, quite late in the evening, onto the moors. We put a picnic blanket down (one that we'd won!) and hopped on. I'd brought some of his favourite chocolate/sweets/biscuit things, we laid under the stars chatting (it was a super clear night, and it's something we love doing). I'd also taken some sparklers and the supplies to make glow in the dark bubbles (a snap light and some bubble mixture) although I'd forgotten to take some scissors to break into the snap light, so we ended up using a razor.. don't ask haha. But sitting with him so contented at that time, surrounded by our glow in the dark bubbles/ weird snap light mixture, eating some good things, was all just perfect. Nothing with Michael has ever been stressed or strained or forced, but that evening I was extra satisfied with life. Everything was just good. I had finished and passed my degree, I was working for a bit over summer, I was getting ready to go back to uni and start my masters, my niece was still cooking in her mamas tummy  - I literally didn't have a worry, everything was where I wanted and needed it to be. I was so happy.

And then the next day we had another fun day, we went to the aquarium and took some grape kool aid with us, had fun looking at all the jelly fish, made fun of Michael when he got scared by the sharks. We then went on to the barbican (little bit of our town next to the sea) shared a portion of chips like an old married couple, got an ice cream and then he dropped me home. I had tea at my nans but he wanted to go off and buy a bike, so he came to my nan's for dessert instead :) we decided we wanted to watch something at the cinema, and then realised there was nothing on that we wanted to watch, so we instead decided to drive to a beach and watch the sun set instead. I think I'm actually confusing this night with the next night, perhaps it was over three days, but oh well. It was LOVELY. As usual. and after it got dark, we drove home and stopped for marshmallows on the way. Once at home we (read: I) lit a fire in dads chimneer and sat around chatting and eating marshmallows.

It was just the perfect weekend, and I had so much fun. I didn't need anything more out of life at that point. in fact, here is the blog post from the actual time that has all the photos in it.

Zodiac

Not only is it a great film, it's also about star signs! As my birthday is on July 18th, I am a Cancer. Here is what the internet has to say about that:

Cancer, the fourth sign of the zodiac, is a water sign, which signifies your highly emotional nature. Being under the sway of the element of water also makes you highly caring, generous and intuitive. You are highly evolved, even spiritual — the water signs are karmically developed and refined in spirit.

Water is malleable and adaptable. You are very much like that. You adapt when you have to, but you much prefer to make changes on your own terms. Like water, you are soothing and nourishing too. Life-supporting energies are at the heart of your character. You will act as a support for many people — in your own family and beyond.

You are for the most part a person of feeling and sensation. Often you will ignore your own judgment and rationality, and someone’s else’s reasonable advice, in favor of how you feel. You don’t care if you’re wrong, either! If your intuition tells you to do something, like reaching out to give someone a helping hand, you’ll just do it.

Others turn to you when they need a shoulder to cry on — you’ll do well in any of the caring professions. This approach is highlighted by your key life phrase, ‘I nurture’. You find it difficult to turn away anyone in need. Anyone who knows you will agree that you are one of the best people to connect with if they need advice. Friends will turn to you if they are in trouble, knowing that your sensitive and compassionate touch will lighten their load.

You are extremely receptive to your environment and the people around you, and will often ‘pick up’ people’s energies, moods and thoughts. This ability serves you well; your intuition about people is quite often correct. Your knack of knowing people’s issues before they even open their mouths attracts them to you. The difficulty with this, though, is that you can tend to absorb their emotions — negative as well as positive.

You reflect the qualities of the changing Moon. This means that at times your emotions get the better of you, and you swing from high to low. Family and friends will be well aware of this, but they will not doubt your loyalty and support.

source

It goes on a bit further but I've doubt you've read all of that let alone any more. I do think I am quite suited to cancer, I don't always live in my shell in fact I can be confident when you first meet me, but I definitely can also retreat in, or hide in there at first. It's not because I am afraid it's just comfy in there.
I definitely like to adapt/change in my own times. and I often do follow my feelings over rationality.
I am highly emotional, I flick at the drop of a hat and poor Michael understands this more than anyone.
I am there for anyone who needs someone, and yeah, I like to think I have a good intuition/gut instinct.
I pick up energies everywhere but that's mainly because I'm so observant that I'd be silly to not pick things up.

But yes, to sum up. I agree and do not mind my star sign. I don't like how most others have obscure things and I have a crab, but I've learnt to accept this over time, haha. How about you?

Thirty interesting facts about myself?

that is a lot. I don't know if I'm interesting enough to have thirty. we'll see if they get more obscure towards the end...!

1. I almost have two degrees
2. I have been travelling with friends once
3. I have two tattoos
4. I have 9 piercings 
5. I have one sister, a brother-in-law and two step sisters
6. I have one niece 
7. I'm lucky to still have grandparents; both of dads parents and grandma on mums side
8. I like lots of teas, but not chai (same goes for coffee)
9. I'm yet to read all of the Harry Potters but I am on 5/7 so I might get it done over summer
10. I'm a cat lady, but I'm slowly coming round to dogs recently
11. My hair is now so long I always manage to dip it in my tea (literally just happen)
12. I would rather do other people's hair than make up - I like to try new things out and it's so much easier on others
13. My favourite number is 18 
14. I have really good, strong, nicely shaped nails - I'm very lucky
15. I had braces for around 3 years
16. I still have to wear retainers every night because I clench my teeth and it leads to tension headaches
17. I've only ever worn strapless dresses to fancy events - I think I need to branch out
18. Song lyrics just stick in my head, even if I don't like the song
19. My boss and I actually play this game where I have to tell her what the song is before it's even got into it, I've only failed once ;)
20. I have my grade 5 in musical theatre
21. I also used to play the saxophone
22. I have to wear glasses for long-distance viewing, and I have to have prism lenses because my eyes cross :(
23. If I could afford it, I'd have lots of nice dress and only wear them every day (not anything else like jeans)
24. I thought I could, but I cannot live without chocolate. Giving it up for lent was the hardest thing in the world
25. I'm not even half way through Michael's first deployment which is a thoroughly depressing fact.
26. I always think I'm not cool enough to pull off a certain new trend (hair ties, flatforms etc) and then I join the part super late and decide I want to wear it regardless.
27. I don't have a problem with eating out of date food (if it smells/looks okay and it's not a ridiculous amount of time after the date)
28. My eye colour is hazel, and whilst I feel super special having rare green eyes, I've always wanted blue
29. I try not to take tablets e.g. painkillers unless I really really have to, and the only tablet I take willingly is my migraine medication.
30. I've had penpals from all over the place; Russia, France, Germany and places in England. 

So there you have it, I did make it to thirty! Must admit that I struggled from 26 onwards though haha, hopefully you can't tell. Looking forward to reading everyone else's today!

day 5 - a time you considered ending your own life

I haven't. certainly not in the suicidal sense. I know that I've been hurt so bad that I thought dying would probably be easier, but I never wanted to die. I've never wanted to die. I love life, I love that everything is different and there are so many different things to explore, learn and do. I would be far more unhappy to end my life than to stick through a really rough patch.

I'm not saying other people who feel those things can't make it through a bad patch - I've not been through things some people have, and I'm a different person who handles things differently anyways. And I'm also not saying I don't understand people who have depression, I know a lot of people with depression and I understand (as well as can be without having it myself), but I am just not inclined that way. Perhaps I have a predisposition to optimism (too much dissertation coming through now).

I have to admit that I find this to be a little bit of a peculiar prompt. I know we're supposed to be getting deep in our posts, but it's day 5 and that would be a heavy topic if somebody had something they felt like they should discuss. Perhaps I'm thinking too much, but I hope everyone only discuss' what they're comfortable sharing.

My views on drugs and alcohol

Erm.. I sometimes drink alcohol. I used to drink alcohol a lot more than I do now (when I was a fresher/an actual fun student), but currently.. I'm not a big fan. I don't like that woosy head feeling you get when you're tipsy, I don't like feeling drunk, I get obnoxiously loud, I don't like how alcohol makes me wake up early the next morning and I don't like feeling hungover.

You're welcome to drink around me though, I'm very happy to sit and be the only sober one in the group, that doesn't bother me at all.

Drugs. As a sub warden, drugs are the bane of my life. There are certain procedures to follow when I catch a student with drugs which are long and boring. I don't personally do drugs, I've tried smoking (sorry mum/grandma) and it's not my cup of tea. I used to enjoy a social smoke when I was drunk with friends but in 2nd year something clicked and I just found it disgusting from then on, and haven't touched one or wanted one since. Other harder drugs, I don't do, I haven't done. Again, I don't mind if you want to do it around me (I will judge you a little bit though), in fact two of my favourite friends have done an array of drugs, but I leave them to it and they don't encourage me. We have a good deal going on. Even harder drugs though, I do not like. I wish they never existed. They ruin people's lives, and families and they created far more negative effects that any positive effect can make up for.

Where you'd like to be in 10 years time.

I don't do this. I used to, but I'm not a life planner anymore. It's actually why my blog is called improvised intentions- when I went travelling during summer 2010 I had it all planned, and it was going to be so great I wanted to travel for a whole year after uni. I hated it. I didn't hate it, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted and I really could not see myself doing it for a whole year after uni. So I was lost. and I wasn't sure what to do - I'd literally sat on that plan since I was 15 and a volunteering company came to school and did a powerpoint.

So I was sad and confused about it for a good month, and then I let it go. and just accepted it wasn't part of my life plans. From there, I decided I wasn't going to plan such huge milestones, but handle perhaps the next 6 months - because anything can change in six months.

I guess generally and roughly thinking about it, in 10 years I will be 31/32 so I'd like to have a house and be married (to Michael). I suppose a child would come in there somewhere too but I'm not sure about that yet. My house will be incredible and decorated just so. I will hopefully be in a job that I want to be in (and will have trialed a good couple just to make sure that is the job I want), that has a good part-time option for when I take maternity leave and if I want to return back to work etc!

Interesting prompt. I like to see how much of a variation everyone else's will have!

JUNE CHALLENGE

I'm jumping on the bandwagon of another 30 day challenge. The link up is with Paula over at Paula's place, so stop by and say hi if you fancy joining in! For this challenge I'm not going to put as much pressure on myself to do every.single.day and I'm going to get better at posting about the things I actually love blogging about, mainly weekly catch ups etc. but it is nice to have some prompts in and out :)
  

Day one- relationship status. 

I'm in a relationship, most of you should know that; I talk about Michael often and in a dreamy sort of manner. But I haven't always been this way, obviously. I used to fear relationships, and being tied down, and not being able to flirt with anyone I wanted to. I didn't understand relationships, what they were supposed to be like, how you should feel, or act, or basically what to do. I knew how to date people, I dated really well. As I'm usually busy I meet lots of new people and one good conversation turns into going for drinks, or for a picnic, or something fun. But past that. Past the initial, yeah, this guy gets a second date.. I had no clue. 

I didn't understand being comfortable around someone. I didn't understand not having to impress them all the time, I never lied or act different or anything, but I didn't understand that I could just be myself. and because Michael's always been around, and visited tonnes, you can't share a bed every weekend and not let someone see you without make up on, or hang out with them so long you end up smelling haha! but yeah, that just grew into something. I guess it might be time to share the story of Michael and I with you? I know he'll enjoy reading it from my point of view, so here it goes.

Michael and I went to the same nursery/play group/pre school/primary school, not secondary school or sixth form but we stayed in touch. I remember inviting him to my birthday parties because Kirk was my boyfriend, and Paige was my best friend, and Paige went out with Michael, and Michael was best friends with Kirk, so it was kinda by default! But yes, we sat on the same table at school and I'd often look over his shoulder for a maths answer (don't let him know, he thinks I'm better than him at maths). So yes, past primary school we stayed in touch - we used to go ice skating with other friends too on a Friday night. Michael then broke my heart and started to go out with my best friend at the time Tasha.. ha. But they broke up, and I think at that point we started going out..? but yeah, either way, he was my first kiss way back when (and I still remember it to this day). OHHHH we also used to go to the teens night out at a local club, he was always so cool.

Michael top row second from the right

me bottom left (oh no! now you know I'm a fake auburn-er)

yeah, errr.. Michael was always considered one of my best friends, he always came to my birthday gatherings (half hour drive on his little moped), he helped me decorate my friends Christmas tree and he was just generally a happy, supportive presence in my life. I even remember taking him for pizza and a movie when he broke up with his girlfriend, we watched pineapple express. Anyways, so off I went to uni when I was 18, and he visited me in my first year, when I made him sleep on the floor on a leaky air bed when I had a double bed allllll to myself. Michael is a very quiet soul, around others he usually doesn't say anything unless it's warranted - he's not good at small talk, so my friends didn't really get to know him that well (mainly because we're all loud and lairy). But in my second year Michael joined the army, and came up North to train at Catterick. I am not too far from Catterick which made it very easy for him to come to me, and better for him because he would have to travel 8-9 hours home each weekend or stay on camp (which no one ever did). So at that point we were spending more and more time together, and my friends were getting to know (and love) him a bit more, and we just always had a good time. Plus I didn't make him sleep on the floor haha. 

When Michael passed out of the army (Nov 2011), something serious and daunting happened to his family - but that's not my story to share here. What this meant for Michael and I, was that it pushed us a lot closer because it was a big thing for him to deal with, and I was always there for him. From this point and more into the following year, I was starting to think of Michael in a different way because of all the love I had for him. So like adults, around summer 2012 we discussed it and decided to see how things went, and figure out if we wanted to be in a relationship. That was a difficult summer. For all the reasons I stated in the first two paragraphs. and I was a nightmare to put up with. Things didn't work out between us at that point, and we agreed that we'd tried to force something into happening when we shouldn't have; we should have let it happen in it's own time if it was going to happen. So we carried on our lives, and I was so thankful that I still had my best friend (luckily). 

So, fast forward some incredible fun times like alton towers, Ilkley trips, special weekends, graduation, London trips and many visits to me at uni, Michael and I spent two magical weeks together before he deployed to Afghanistan. At this point, I knew I couldn't and didn't want to live my life without Michael. But because I'd already messed him around once, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to do it again. All I knew, was that we would be able to work through any kind of issue we might face, together, and for each other, because that's exactly how our relationship worked anyways. So I sat on my feelings for a bit longer, until I became a little more accustomed to the negative feelings deployments brought about; I didn't want to act too quickly just because I was missing him, so I made myself make sure that my feelings were true. I didn't get with anyone else, I haven't in a long time, I didn't even look at other people, he was just on my mind all the time, and he felt like my boyfriend already. 

So I sent him a hand-written bluey titled 'the top ten reasons why you should be my boyfriend', and I waited ten LONG days for that letter to arrive in his hands on the 28th of April 2013. And, typically, just like the movies, he was told that he would have to move out that evening and not be contactable for a couple of days. Prior to hyperventilating at the thought of him reading the letter and not talking to me about it, I almost demanded him to read the letter and get back to me. Confused, he obliged, because he's such a lovely boy. And he called me, and he said yes (three times, in different voices because I asked him to seem more enthusiastic/sincere haha). And ever since then I have not looked back. We have lots of things to figure out between ourselves, but I love that boy so much and I would do anything for him, so I know we'll be able to sort it. regardless of what it is. 

So yes, this turned in to a MAMMOTH post. But I needed a place to jot it all down so in ten years time I won't be like.. oh was it this? blah blah blah. and yeah, it seemed to fit in. I have to admit that I'm a little tired of people telling me my life is like a film, or dear john, so please don't say that unless you have to, haha.