I've somehow become some kind of mess. It happened in the space of two hours without my knowledge. 10 minutes to the end of my lecture I sat up and realised there are so many things I want to do with my life that I'm not actively doing right now and fear that I'll never be able to do. So I made a list, I've always been a list person, but this list was on the back of a receipt and I feel like some crazy lady who has a bad memory and isn't stylish enough to carry around good note paper.
As you can find in my lists page up there ^ I want to do camp America. I've always wanted to do camp America and I've dreamed about it since I first heard about it. It sounds exactly like my cup of tea and I think it would be such an amazing experience. BUT. I qualified as a social worker last year, and now I am taking a year to complete my masters, but (you may not know) when you're newly qualified you have to do an ASYE within two years of graduating, which pretty much means that I need to get into social work as soon as I graduate again. Which I am okay about, because it's what I was expecting and I think that once I have that under my belt, I'll no longer be newly-qualified which makes me more employable (and gives me more options) for the future. But that means that's another year or perhaps even two that push me further from being able to do other things. I will obviously have to do Camp America in Summer, as that's the main time it runs.
I also want to Teach English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) - this one hit me out of no where? That has not really ever been a huge goal of mine, it certainly hasn't been on my list as long as Camp America has, but it definitely hit me today (it was in fact top of my list). Like it says on my bio page, I love knowing cities like the back of my hand and I think you have so many opportunities with TEFL, and you could visit so many beautiful places that would certainly make it worth while. And it helps another thing on my list; living abroad. I really do want to do this, I read Whisky Tango Foxtrot with Kristen and get super jealous that she's been whisked off to Germany with her husband - because she has a really good reason for being there and she doesn't have to worry if it doesn't work out (e.g. job wise). I'd love to live in France but my French is certainly not good enough to be able to converse with someone about their life or issues in a social work sense, which means I'm taking another year away from social work when I desperately want to give back to that too.
I just spilled all of this out to my mum on the phone who told me it's a bit too early to have a mid-life-crisis, which I agree with, and we also both agreed that I do have time and it's good to know about these things to make flexible goals. I think it's just a lot when you feel like you're doing the same things over and over again - I've been in Leeds for three years now and it's just feeling a little monotonous, like I'm not doing anything different or achieving, when really I am, I'm just not looking at the bigger picture.
Do you get days like this? Where you feel a bit trapped and your big dreams don't quite fit with how your life is going? I don't doubt that I will get to do the things I want to do, I just fear that I am only getting older and things are getting further away.
I was considering making this a blog your heart post like Stephanie does, but I think that's enough writing for anyone to read in one day so I shall save the rest of it. Congratulations if you've got to reading this far, I think we could be very good friends if you have :)