Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory

So, the final day has come. I'd like to take a little moment to say that I've thoroughly enjoyed this challenge, it's been nice to blog about things that aren't my usual thing, but the day to day blogging is just a bit too much for me! I think it's probably just because I've been so busy this month (typically) but it's been a little challenge fitting it in everyday, and I certainly haven't had a consistent time of posting!

A vivd memory. hmm.

Somehow, I was always my uncle Vic's favourite. We all knew it, and I don't think anyone particularly minded (I hope not), because I always used my powers of persuasion to benefit the whole group (two cousins, my sister and I). I remember one evening Naomi and I sat in the car listening to songs - kung fo fighting was certainly one of them, when we decided that we wanted to have a sleepover but it wasn't planned. Natalie and Naomi convinced me it was my job to go and ask, so I figured out what to say, put on my best puppy eyes, wrinkled my hands together and walked in. I stood and explained how we had just had so much fun that we didn't want it to end and that we'd like to invite ourselves to stay over his house, if that was possible. OF COURSE HE SAID YES. haha, well he looked at my mum a couple of times (I'm guess they were checking with each other before he committed) and then said yes. So we drove to his and I remember he had a very excitable dog - I think it was a collie. And then I remember us all in the living room listening to B'Witched - blame it on the weather man, and the post man one (because Vic was once a post man).

I've only just really realised that we spent a lot of with my cousins when we were younger, which makes me happy because I hope it's the same for my children and my sisters :) I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go

Letting go to me means that you've held on to something for a long time, for whatever reason - sadness, anger, hope, hurt - and it's finally time.

Letting go isn't something you can do over night. I don't believe it's something you can make yourself do or talk yourself into, it happens in its own time. You have to go through certain things and emotions to suitably exhaust yourself of the topic. Sometimes you don't even notice that you've let go, sometimes you're over it and you've let it go before you even realise (that's the best). Letting go is accepting it isn't anymore, it won't be whatever you want it to be, it can't be the same again -whether it's a death or the end of a relationship or getting over someone.

For me, seeing as I don't overly remember my granddad dying (well I do, but I didn't understand enough to feel like I needed to let go) and no one else I know who has died, letting go is of friends and relationships that didn't work out. As I mentioned above, with friendships that don't work out, they're the ones I haven't realised until I've actually already let go, which is nice as it doesn't make me sad. But relationships, yeah I was guilty of holding on to one for far too long. It was something that wasn't good for me, and made me sad and worried and blame myself, when it wasn't to do with me, it was his own insecurities. But I couldn't let go of that for a long time, mainly because I felt like I'd been the one to mess things up and I wanted to put them right, or at least be the one in the right if they messed up again. But a couple of years down the line, every emotion you've ever thought of a fair few times over, lots of thoughts, dreams, tears and worries later... I've let go. I've closed that chapter and I'm at peace with it.

Of course Michael helped me with that, by showing me how good a boy can be, and how you should be treated and can even expect to be treated. Michael and I are partners, more than anything else. We're a two-man team who consult each other and discuss things, we work stuff out and we keep each other informed. Michael's love is always secure and I know it will never falter. And I've never had that before.

I don't have anything else I feel like I need to let go of; no bad feelings, anger, sadness. I'm generally content. I deal with issues as they arise, and if I'm able to talk them through with that person in that situation then I'm already over it. So yeah, perhaps this isn't what I was supposed to do today, but I let it take me wherever it wanted to, as usual and here we are!

Day 29, Wednesday: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories.

I LOVE THIS PROMPT! at first I was nervous but it's realllllllllllly great now haha. I don't know if I was supposed to share the memory too but it was too fun not to! 

1. David Guetta - memories. It reminds me of the trip I took to Bournemouth to visit my friend Daniella back in first year during the summer. We got crazy drunk and partied too hard - oh those days when drinking was still fun! Plus it's a great song.

2. Florence and the Machine - you got the love. In second year, before all our house fell out, we had one great great great night out that we labelled 'ladies night'. I was being lame and pretended I didn't want to go out as we had a lecture on the Friday, but pre drinks were half underway when I changed my mind and joined in the fun. It was just girls from our house and we all got just tipsy, not drunk, climbed up on the counter (our landlord had foolishly said that the girls who lived there before had done that so of course we had to try it out!) and sang our hearts out to this song. Such a good night. 

3. Snow Patrol - Set Fire to the Third Bar. I have to fit Michael in here somewhere don't I? Well this was 'our song' many many many many many moons ago, I'm thinking what.. when we were 14?! But it is a good song and some of the lyrics are particularly apt at the moment.

4. X-Press 2 Feat. David Byrne - Lazy. Before my parents split up we would have gatherings with a couple of other families. There would be food - a meal or BBQ, games for all the kids and lots of chat and dancing for the adults. This song reminds me of those times cause I can see everyone singing along in their drunken stupor, ha, and particularly of my dad because he does the little bit at 2:58/3:00. 

5. Devo - Whip It. OH THIS SONG. haha Natalie and I heard it on a film - I think something like how to lose a guy in ten days, some chick flick like that, and we loved it from then on. I also had a dream that she'd died once and this song played a couple of days later and I burst into tears, she's fine though, obviously haha. But yes, younger times with less stress are always welcome. WHAT A WEIRD VIDEO THOUGH! I've never watched it before ha

As I said at the start, great prompt. I'm excited to read what everyone else comes up with! Kinda sad I didn't do the songs that spoke to me, but it'd probably end up a bit too deep and I cry when that happens so yeah, for the best really. ha

HOW IS IT TUESDAY ALREADY.

and I've missed so many blog everyday's what a fail. These are gona have to be quite quick posts as I SERIOUSLY need to get on with work today, I'm sorry!

Day 27, Monday: A letter to your readers
Dear readers, you make me happy. the end. 
Haha no, I appreciate you all so much. I don't have a 'thing' or a 'niche' that I tend to blog about, I blog quite generally about my life. I feel like this little site is really for me, and all of my memories, and keeping in touch with my family, so for you to come along for the ride too feels extra special :) I love that some of us have made little friendships, and that you come from all over the world. So yeah, extra big special thank you. And if you ever have any criticisms then let me know, I do well with feedback :D

Day 28, Tuesday: Only pictures
I suddenly got deflated and thought that I hadn't taken any good photos today (all I've done is got up, been to the gym, had lunch and sat at my laptop), so instead I'm gona share some from yesterday when I went to work, then shopping, then to a friends for dinner and finally made Michael a video. 

 

 

Day 26, Sunday: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.

My hair has felt a bit too dry recently so I wanted to try a natural remedy and read about using eggs. So I googled it and found this. It's not true, it made my hair worse, and now it feels kinda like straw - it did NOT feel like straw in the first place. I am not impressed and I am not happy. I accept it must work for some people as the comments are like hooray! yes! I do this too! Yippee! It's great! But, it's not for me. I can't be on the bandwagon because I'm angry at it right now.

Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits

Hmm, I have a few. top three.. I wonder if Michael would say the one's I'm choosing :p

1. I am a control freak, and a natural born leader. If I see that people aren't doing things in the most efficient way/they could do it easier/they're destined to fail/it isn't right, then I have to speak up. and I have to suggest another way for them to do it. Even with elders. My lecturer yesterday put a carrier bag in her big bag so she could ride her bike home, but it was poking out the top so the rain was going to get to it and I had to suggest that she put it in the other way around.. my bad.
2. I like to have a plan. If I don't have a rough plan things go wrong. I can definitely sway from the plan if something better takes my fancy - it's not an autistic thing - but yeah, for weekends away/holidays/gatherings, I roughly like to know how things are going to go so I can prepare myself for them.
3. I have to prepare myself for things. It's like a little pep talk, I have to win myself over for a little bit before I can actually be okay with something. It takes about a day, which is why I don't like things thrust on me, but I can actually manage when things are thrust on me, I think it's the time in-between that makes me unsettled. I think it's developed this year since living with non-friends but not accepting that as a reason not to do things (I would't miss out on something just because I might have to go alone). 

So yes, another interesting one! I am off on a weekend away with some of my girl-friends today, a couple of drunken nights out which.. shall be amusing. I'm sure I'll report most of the mischief when I get back but that does mean I might not be able to get to the challenge over the next couple of days - of course I'll catch up. Have a lovely weekend :)

Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel.

(a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)

err. I make lots of little complaints all the time, but I don't think I have a big one at the moment. Um. How quick iPhone's lose their battery? How my phone is the SLOWEST phone of all time and I NEED a new one as it drives me insane and no one really gets it because their phones are fine? Something along those lines. I did try and buy a new one when I was paid a lot recently, but then it turned out to be faulty so I had to return it, and I didn't get round to buying another one. But for those few days, I realised what it was like to have a quick functioning phone, that made it easier to talk to Michael, there was an app to send him letters, I could have all my favourite apps back that have been lost due to the IOS update (whatsapp, instagram to name a few). hmmmm yeah. So I'd like a new phone, but until I get a job... not likely.

Day 21, Tuesday: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives

Oh. well. that's a surprise, I have no idea.

I really loved having galaxy nails.
This has been one of my favourite outfits of the year.
Big fan of this skirt, and this one.
Egg fried rice is still a staple dish in my flat.
The honey drizzle cakes tasted incredible, I'd love to make those again.
Ilkley Moor was such a good day out, with a lovely boy.
Incredible fun times with Michael
When I was a super lucky girl and got my very own Easter egg hunt.
Obviously gona have to have one from Graduation

Okay I could carry on but that's enough I think.. This was fun :D

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

I am struggling with not being able to plan for the rest of my life.

What am I doing after I finish uni?
When should I start looking for a job?
Do I want to start looking for a job?
What kind of job am I interested in?
Where should I look for a job?
Where will I live if I'm looking away from home?
How far is too far?
Where does Michael fit in to all of this?

I don't know the next step, and I don't like not knowing the next step to be able to plan around. Michael says it's fun and exciting.. but when it means I'll be living at home with my dad, with a masters degree.. and I'm in a job that I'm over-qualified for. Hmph. And Michael, being in Afghanistan until September. Do I start before he gets back? Do I ask for that extra month off? He's just said that he'll probably be the most free from October on, I can't be starting a new job and asking to take my leave immediately. So do I not get a job until after Christmas?

WHAT DO I DO.

I can hear my boss in my head saying 'don't do anything just for a boy' but Michael isn't just any boy, he's THE boy, he's the best boy, I'd do anything for him. and then I hear my mum saying 'you've been working really hard for four years straight, I think you should take a bit of a break', and my sister saying (more generally rather than in relation to this) 'enjoy the time you get with Michael now before the rest of real-life gets to you'. And all of that tells me that the real world, and real life, can wait a little bit longer. I have so much time to be a social worker and start whatever qualification is in fashion (NQSW/ASYE), but I won't have this time with Michael again. But if Michael wasn't around, then I'd be jumping straight into it, but does that mean that's what I should do, really? I honestly don't think so. I think I could have any kind of job for a little while, I have support work for over summer to tide me over a bit. Michael is my priority at the moment. Perhaps that means, in the grand scheme of things, that the job that's meant for me isn't available until next year? Perhaps it's all already planned out? WHO KNOWS. I've already applied for one job and not got it, now I've applied for another, and there is another that I'm considering applying for. Maybe I should just do these two applications and see what happens? Michael doesn't even know if he's back for good in September or sometime earlier, but I'm personally working towards September because I can't let my heart hope that it's any earlier. So how can I let this decision ride on that? The army has never been great to Michael, it always messes him around, so I can't and don't expect anything to go perfectly this time either. He tells me not to base any of my decisions on him and to do what's best for me, but what's best for me is what's best for both of us, so how can I not partially base it on him?

I don't know. I honestly do not know.

Day 19, Sunday: Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them

When I first read the title I was hesitant.. but then I took a step back and realised I'm a blogger for a reason so stop being silly. There are some blogs I've been reading since I jumped on this bandwagon, and a couple of those are still favourites.. others I've gotten tired of, BUT today is not about those.

I'm not doing it in order - I have no idea what my order would be, but think that it's just a list of nice blogs.

• Bleubird Vintage - James and her family have been with me throughout this whole journey, and I love how much she lets her readers into her life. I always check back whenever she has a post, she does a nice variety of things
• HomeBirdEconomics - my sister accidentally got me into blogging (if she was doing it I was doing it.) and I love how different our lives are, but that we can keep in touch through the blogs. Things that she does (making your own washing powder and such) blow my mind, and I just find it really interesting. Plus I love little updates about their life.
• Just me, my soldier and our 4 little chicks - Stephanie. Oh Stephanie. I have been reading Stephanie since before I even had a blog or realised I liked to read blogs. I found her many years ago when I was looking for inspiration for some scrapbook pages, and I kinda just stuck around for the ride. I love that she blogs a lot about her super-fancy-soldier-husband and babies because they are so sweet and funny. and I like that she's a real person too; she's taken time out of her busy day to help me out with things with Michael, and I really appreciate that (plus she's hilarious). (Check out all of her 'wordless wednesday posts to get a good sense of her blog!)
• The Londoner - Michael and I like to visit London, and she has such a glamorous lifestyle that she goes to the nicest places to visit and eat, so I like to check back for insider knowledge. I like reading her blog for a taste of 'how the other half live'
• hmm it's difficult from here - I like the little magpie and whiskey tango foxtrot for two very different reasons. The little magpie because she always wears lovely clothes and demonstrates very well how to style things (really big prints that you think are hideous until you see them on someone), and whiskey tango foxtrot because shes another army wife who's sharing her tales of life while they're posted in Germany for now. She's also pregnant and keeps blogging about that, I love that.

what I've noticed about all of these is that they're lifestyle blogs. I am such a fan of peeking at someone else's life for a little bit - feeling involved or not. So yeah. Looking forward to finding some new ones today too!

Day 18, Saturday: Tell a story from your childhood.

'Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.'

Hermmm.. I have lots of memories, so which one to choose (I'm always so spoiled for choice. and I feel lucky for that). and in all of them, my sister appears! I can't wait to read which memory she chose for today, to see if I'll feature in that one.

I'm gona choose one that's a funny story, but it's a little hazier than the others, so I'll do my best.

We were visiting my grandparents.. I kind of feel like it was actually at my Great Aunt Margaret's house for some reason, but that doesn't really make sense so it must have been their own house in Kent. Well, we didn't get to visit our grandparents all too often as it was quite far away etc, so it was always fun when we did (and they lived near this amusement place so it was always exciting!). Anywho, I don't know how we go to it, but Natalie and I decided to 'make over' nan and granddad, I think it might have had something to do with nan having her hair in rollers, so yeah we just ran with it from there.

It all started out tame, for nan we did the normal eye shadow, and lipstick etc.. and then it got a bit crazy. We started using mascara on granddads bald patches to kind of draw-on hair, we put foundation on them - even granddad - and eyeshadow etc, the works. and when we were done, we were super proud of our work, because it looked like they were wearing make up, and that was the goal, ha!

I must add, we were far too young at that point to even be using make up ourselves, let alone know how to put it on someone else. And in reflection, I can't really believe I have this memory, because if you met my granddad, he is a very proper man and the man I know now doesn't really translate to someone who would let me put mascara on his head, but, people surprise you and this is a lovely memory that I'm glad I have. There is a photo somewhere at home, gutted I can't feature it.

Neither of them were annoyed, and in true good-parenting style they pretended they loved it, didn't wash it off immediately, and Natalie and I went off to bed happy. It never happened again though.. I wonder if we even asked. haha, I am so looking forward to reading everyone else's memory today :D

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why

14th December 2012

Graduation.

I had so much fun at graduation. I had been working hard for three years to get to that day, and I was so so so so so excited for everything. The gown, the hat, the photo's, the walking up, the shaking hand, the standing proud, the even more photos, the happy people, the family, the fancy dress, the nice hair. Everything fit together well on that day, and I don't care that it rained, or that Michael and I almost fell over on the ice, or that it wasn't in summer with my friends on other courses. It was the day I wanted, and it went according to MY plan :) and it makes me so excited for the next one!!

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

So I failed at the challenge yesterday- I just had too much going on and couldn't take pictures all the time (I was giving a talk to prospective students, campus tours, then off to work and more meetings) so that sucks big time! But I did try (in all the hours before I left the house..)

Anyways, onto the next one. I'm unsure about this one.. what is my lot in life?

But to be honest, the only difficult thing in my life is getting out of bed efficiently in the morning.

everything else I can deal with. Yeah I have 12,000 words to submit on Monday, that's fine. Yeah my boy's out in Afghanistan, that's okay, we're managing. My family are a good 7 hours away, I'm missing my niece, but I get regular updates. I'm good at managing, I reflect on my general day to day and I always let my feelings out, so nothing is ever really on top of me (unless I'm on my period, then I have little time for anyone else, that's such a bad week).

I guess something that I can't change (which is my lot? is that right? something that I have that affects me and I can't really do anything about it so how I can manage it? who knows.) is (something I've blogged about before) PCOS. That one does bother me. It changes my moods all over the place, I have so many side effects, I always have to work on my diet and exercise.. it's a whole kettle of fish.

To manage it, I keep on top of all those side effects, I let it do whatever it's going to do, I don't take any additional hormones, I avoid caffeine and carbs, I exercise daily, I follow the doctors advice. I'm extra nice to Michael most of the time to make up for the days that I want to be left alone, but he's such a lovely boy he understands all of that and has me anyways (what a saint!).

I guess PCOS is not something I'm going to be able to overcome per se, I just hope to get to a place (much like where I am now) that I can manage it and not let it get me down.

p.s. I submitted a big essay today so I'm feeling pretty upbeat! 

Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy

Oooh wow. So many things make me happy. I might have to have the main list and a short list. We'll see how it goes. This isn't going to be in order, it's going to be whatever pops into my head first.

1. old couples sharing food/still in love
2. babies who want to talk/interact with you
3. croissants for breakfast
4. when you think you don't have any left but really you do
5. when you've put something off for ages but when you sit down and do it, it really isn't so bad. 
6. getting post
7. hearing from Michael
8. seeing amazing photo's from people's hikes (and hikes)
9. thinking about the future and what plans you could make
10. hair ribbons

Okay that wasn't so bad. It was a fun list to make. other things would include violins, kittens and food. But yano, thought I'd try something different instead.

Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

What do I miss... I miss lots of things, Michael, my sister and niece, home food, chatting for hours on MSN.

But for this post I think I'm gona talk about spending days at a river called Magpie Bridge. Before my step sisters became my step sisters, our families used to get together, pack a picnic, slather on the sun lotion and head on down to a little wooded area and a river.

The river was always freezing, but we always tried to cross the river. We played ball games on the grass, we read books, we laid out, we chatted, we made up games, we swam in the deeper parts - we had fun. I miss those times, with the miss-matched bikinis and old tops to keep our shoulders covered. I do not miss those cobbles that hurt your feet though, or the walk back to the car on gravel because you were too wet to put your shoes on.

Good days. Where you didn't have any worries apart from waking up for school on Monday, and if you were going to get KFC on your way home. I'd like to go back there now, and see other families continuing our traditions.

Check out this ridiculous GIF I showed/made Michael (outtakes from a photo shoot haha)

'why are you looking at a towel' I WAS TRYING TO FIND THE BEST LIGHT haha

Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

10 words or less.. interesting. I wonder where the thought behind this one came from? 10 words is not a lot at all. I don't even know what parts to try and sell.. anyways. I'm gona give it a go haha.

I work hard and I am lots of fun.

9. perhaps I should put hi at the beginning, show I'm friendly. haha who knows! This is going to be such an interesting challenge though, to see what others consider important to mention. I really am enjoying this challenge, are you guys? Especially the prompts like today that I've never even considered before. I'm glad I'm taking part :)

Day 10, Friday: Most embarrassing moment (s).

Oh dear.. er. I have no idea. There's always gona be a bum-flash from a skirt (but I have a good bum so that's clearly not embarrassing). I hate walking down cobbles in heels and your ankle bends a bit, that embarrasses me. And your card being rejected, never a good thing. I'm quite a clumsy person, like the stereotypical girl in a film who's smiling at a guy and walks into something or falls over, yeah, that's me, Hi. So recovering from things like that all the time.. means I'm pretty resilient. I cannot remember the last time I felt literally so embarrassed I wanted to world to swallow me up. 
I am not doing this post justice at all. 
I don't have a particular story, I don't have a 'I fell down stairs, I thought a man was a lady' story. Perhaps I should just bow out of this one today? I don't know. I'll have more of a think throughout the day, Sorry :(

Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day

Well it's already happened. Perhaps I'll add something in a bit later, but yeah.

I woke up knowing I needed to make a doctors appointment, so I grabbed my diary, laid in bed and dialed the number. Whilst it was ringing I remembered I hadn't actually spoken yet today (having been up 20 minutes max) and that the poor receptionist was going to have some kind of groggy tone speaking to them. Before I could even cough the sleep away, she picked up.

Boom. Frog. 'Er sorry can you repeat that?' *cough* yes, I'd like to make an appointment please.

Argh, my life.

Blog Every Day In May-Day 8: My Piece Of Advice

For all the other days I have managed to not peek at the next days hint so I could trick myself into blogging the actual honest answer, but I have to admit that I peeked at day 8's prompt on day 7. That said, it didn't help me in the slightest. I'm stuck to offer you blind advice, I've been taught quite strictly not to give advice and treat myself more as a sounding board, so this one did not come easily to me.

Instead, I looked at my pinterest board and had a bit of a rummage around and compiled a couple of things I tend to live by. There are also more on my 'about me' page, that you should certainly have a browse of.

1. nope, never. I have felt regret for not being nice enough though. 

2. this taught me to not be afraid of showing that I'm happy and being proud of being happy doing things - from a silly dance or asking that burning question. Once you're happy with you, others will be happy too, and maybe you could help them be a bit more happy with themselves. 

 

3. Crying yourself to sleep really works at the time, but it will be better in the morning. I don't know how and I don't know why, but the evening really gives your emotions and feelings a different edge. I can honestly say that I have felt different about something every single time I've woken up. 

4. I literally live my life by this, not because it's a quote written on a tin lid. But because of it's message. I'm peculiar in that I don't need others approval and I don't judge my looks/weight/progress/whatever on anyone else, I am my own harshest critic, and if it's okay for me, then it's okay - I don't need you to tell me too. So if I was mean when no one was looking, I'd know I was a mean person, and I wouldn't be okay with that.

but mostly

5. if you know you are true to you, and your intentions are never bad.. who could bad mouth you? and what would their words be worth if they did? I left bitchiness behind in year 11. I haven't had an argument about something someone said about me and whoever else whenever, in a long time. and it feels good. I know that I'm a good person, my friends and my family know that too, and that's all I need.

I think my confidence came from there. I think I became happy in my own skin because I like who I am and it's something I can continually develop. Once you don't care if someone thinks something bad about you that's untrue, you can focus on being you and the best version of you you can be. And then you'll enjoy your life more, which I guess is my advice...

p.s.

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

Things I'm afraid of.. hmm

the typical 'crocodiles' example. That one doesn't stop. They're just mean and horrible. I'm not including a photo cause it'd make me jump every time I peeked at my own blog.

But really.

I am afraid of forgetting. and losing my memory. and not remembering.
That's why I like to blog, because it's a way of keeping all of those things you thought were important at the time in one place. Like when I went to Indonesia, I kept a blog of what we did everyday - the girls thought I was ridiculous for spending half an hour a day or so on the computer when I could be out in the sun, but I felt it important to stay in touch with people from home, and now I'm so so grateful because when I can't remember a place name I can easily click back. I don't regret the time I spent online at all, although I thought I might.

So yeah. I keep notes of sweet things people tell me, I draw things to remember important dates, I take too many photographs of the people I love. Because I never want to be at the point where I can't remember something. I have a pretty good memory anyways, but there's only so much stuff you can fit in there!

I can't really think of anything else I'm afraid of, not much. I am especially brave when it's on behalf of someone else. I don't falter then. How about you? Excited to read your posts!